Little
Johnny
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a ****!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
Why?' asks the father.
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?'
I said '6'
'But that's right!'
'Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
'What's the fucking difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
Johnny had a swearing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask a shrink what to do.
The shrink said that since Christmas was coming he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring, but tell Johnny that if he swore Santa would leave a pile of dog shit in place of gifts.
Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted from Santa.
Johnny said, 'I want a god-damned teddy bear laying right fuckin' here beside me when I wake up Christmas morning. Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the god-damned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!'
Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage.
When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, 'So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?'
Johnny replied, 'I think I got a god-damned dog but I can't find the son of a bitch.'